6 Ways Triathletes can Deal with Difficult Family Members over the Holidays (and Two Nuclear Options!)
Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at 7:01PM Not only do you not get to pick your family, but many of you may have also found yourself at odds with some about your triathlete lifestyle. This issue can rear it's ugly head when you are forced to spend day after day with them during base season the holidays.
This can get nasty. REALLY nasty. You just want to go out for a run or bike ride and they decide this is the time to have an intervention. Nevermind that the person who really needs the intervention is Uncle Larry, who is 100 lbs. overweight, watching his third football game, and slouched out in his recliner and performing as a nacho cheese receptacle.
Here is a few tips to get you through this rough patch and maybe you could also learn some things about yourself along the way:
- Evaluate. You first should make sure that your significant other and kids are happy with the time you spend working out. If they aren't, you really have no defense. Fix that relationship first before you tackle others. On the flip side, if they are happy, you're golden. After them, nobody else really matters.
- Compare your likes to theirs. Tell them you aren't interested in watching TV like a zombie. Say you'd "rather be active than passive." Have them calculate how many hours a week they watch TV or do their own hobbies. Your time working out is probably half of that.
- Be firm. Look them in the eyes and say that you are happy with what you do. You are going to workout, and that's that. But...
- Be flexible. Pick your critical workouts that you can't miss, but be open to doing them at odd times during the day. Ride the trainer while you babysit the kids, go to the pool a little later, or let some family members bike along with you while you run.
- Catch up with maintenance. Can't get away? Clean your bike, update your log, read a book about training, do some Zazen or yoga. There's lots more to triathlon than just "makin' miles".
- Let them know ahead of time. The biggest problem is usually lack of communication. Others will get pissed when they think everybody is going to the mall (gag) and you tell them you are going for a bike ride. However you do it, by calendar, email, or whatever, let them know which days you are doing your longer workouts and what time of day you will be doing them. This fixes a majority of the problems.
The Nuclear Options. I'm famous in my family for putting up with crap for a long time and then letting crazy shots fly when I've had enough. Take the following with a grain of salt, but don't forget that people actually do these :
- Don't even go. "The best battle is the one never fought." - Sun Tzu. The holidays aren't mandatory family time. If your family drives you nuts, just don't do extended family time with them.
- Move. That's right. You may just be living in the wrong place. There are plenty of cities where people are active and outdoorsy just like you are. If you are miserable with your surroundings, there's no reason you can't pack up and change them. Surround yourself with other happy active-types and make them your new family.
Have some stories about family members trying to set you straight? Share them in the comments!
Reader Comments (6)
I'm pretty lucky in that my family thinks I am crazy, but they know working out is important to me. If I have to do a long run on Thanksgiving day I just do it before any one is up (like today). Then when everyone else is napping after the turkey, I can too. Good suggestions.
Great post. I especially like the the nuclear option, "Don't go!" I know a few people who do this successfully by limiting a holiday to one day, or even just a couple of hours.
I go the nuclear options quite frequently~ sometimes my clan will arrive in a drove to whisk me off, kids at the forefront to negate attempts to back out.
Once in a while I just send a text and say I'm having time out for a few months~ one of my sisters lives three blocks from me ~:-)
Am not a triathlete~ more a hiker and kike rider. One sister tho, is a champion.
Great post. This subject came up on a 20 mile run yesterday. Having an family that is not supportive can be very difficult. I really like the strategy of explaining to them how much time it takes and comparing that to how everyone else spends their leisure time.
Inviting them to tag along is a good idea, that way they get a glimpse of what your workout is like, and how much you really enjoy it.
The nuclear options are tough, but that's reality. Surround yourself with supportive people. It's hard, but in the long run it's worth it. And eventually, your family will prob. come back around too; at least mine did.
Happy Holidays!
very VERY timely! I'm doing my first IM in August (turning CouchPotatoWoman into IronWoman :-) ) and though my husband is "supportive" it's not without cost. I'm doing the IM through Team In Training, which means that we have coached sessions on certain days - & this coming weekend (12/5) is a big "IronDay" but ALSO is an annual Arts Show plus 3 Xmas parties that my husband looks forward to every year. This could be interesting. One thing I know as we also have a mentored/timed bike ride on Sunday - no Xmas Punch for this grrl :-)
Early morning training seems to fit the bill most holidays, not interrupting anyone elses "plans" for the day. Also a great sense of satisfaction knowing you've got your trianing in as a "first" priority of the day. The rest of the skill is in communication. Take the Zen approach, and don't talk about yourself or your training at all. If somebody accusingly asks about your "crazy" or "obsessive" training, just redirect and ask them what they'e been up to or ask for their suggestions on how best to relax, any new movies they've seen, any new restaurants ..etc. Best defense is usually offense, just keep asking questions: what are their plans for a healthier new year, any resolutions, what do they enjoy doing most, how could they use their interests toward promoting better health? What are their barriers? What woudl need to change to get them more focused on health? It may sound like you'll end up being a counselor, however the exercise of 'getting out of your own head" and not talking about or defending yourself will leave you with more energy to invest in your training. cultivating more genuine interest in the world around you is also a good step toward seeing the interconnectedness of it all - good and bad - it is what it is, may as well take a good look at it and find a way to smile about it and enjoy the "dance" as Alan Watts would say. Hoping you find your hum this season. Keep Rising.