How to Lose 10 pounds in One Week

I lost 10 lbs. this week!  Here's how you too can simulate your own dessication:

Step 1. Crush your willpower.  Go run 50 miles nonstop.  If you live, you'll be sobbing in the corner like The Crying Game.

Step 2. Bloat up.  You'll be craving food so bad, you can eat an entire platter of bacon-covered fajitas.  Don't skimp on the guacomole! (196.8 lbs. on Sunday)

Step 3.  Eat normally. Ok, you don't want to crash diet too fast and your willpower is starting to return.  Just eat like a normal person would.  (192 lbs. by Thurs.)

Step 4.  Eat like you should.  Stop eating when you start feeling full.  Use your returned willpower to push that plate away.  Eat fruits and veggies instead of junk.  The weight starts coming off fast! (186.8 by Sunday.)

So that's it.  Some people may say Step 4.'s "Eat like you should" is a little extreme, way more so than Step 1.'s "Run 50 miles at once", but this is America.  Toughen up!