Caffeine Pills is the New Starbucks

In these tough economic times, it's important to find ways to save money.  If you can save some cash on your unnecessary drug addictions, that's even better!

I was sick and wretching the day after taking too many caffeine pills during a half IM when I had a revelation.  Why do I need to drink coffee anymore to feel like crap when I can just take the pills?  I tried it for a week and here's my superbly scientific analysis:

1. For the price of one Starbucks latte verde tall mega half creamer vanilla chocolate mocha blah blah I can buy THIRTY SIX caffeine pills.
2. Whenever I try to quit caffeine, I get mild depression, low motivation, and the work ethic of a typical self-entitled American teenager.
3. These pills have a little half-dose mark on them that allows you to crack them and pop just half.  That's all I need because I get sick on more than that.  We triathletes are obsessive about exact measurements.  You can imagine the little jig I did when I saw those lines and cracked the pill in half.  "Walgreen's shoppers... Dancer on aisle 9!"
4. My dreams are more awesomer.  Lightsaber fights with chipmunks, a jet engine for an anus, epic lovemaking with a 16-sided skyscraper?  You name it, I've done it.
5. Huge time savings.  While you sit around making your coffee in the AM, I just roll over and pop a pill.  Next thing I know, I'm halfway to Vegas and swatting invisible bats in the desert.

Hey, don't you judge my pill-popping if you drink coffee or take vitamins.  Technically, everything you put in your body is a drug, Spicoli.  You're probably just jealous I thought of it first.

Comments

[Shawn]

Just got back from an awesome trail ride! There was one killer hill and I told my friend...just say..."I see you HILL!!"

[holisticguru]

I think you should be on your caffeine speed pills for our next podcasting chat. I'd like to make an example out of you.

Also, here's a book for you to read: http://www.amazon.com/Caffeine-Blues-Hidden-Dangers-Americas/dp/0446673919/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240103505&sr=8-1

You're welcome.