12 Simple Steps to Enlightenment

After lots of listening to podcasts on the interwebs "studying", I've pretty much concluded that being profoundly happy most of the time can be found by using the following technique:

1. Sit and be still... some hippies call this "meditating." :)
2. Try not to think of anything.
3. Realize you can't do it.  Stuff will always pop into your head.
4. Realize you're not in control of your mind.  If you can't make it stop, it's got it's own agenda.
5. Realize that your mind has it's own agenda and makes up stuff just to keep itself entertained.
6. Realize that if your mind makes up stuff, most of it is not real.
7. Freak out.
8. Realize that if nothing is really real, YOU'RE mental image of yourself is not real.
9. REALLY FREAK OUT.
10. Realize if you're not really real, your freaking out is fabricated as well and stupid.
11. Realize everything is actually the way it's supposed to be.  Everything is "normal" and it has been your brain's fabricated image of how the world should be that has been making your life difficult.
12. Never freak out again.  (= enlightenment and/or happiness).

Most of these steps can take minutes/hours/days/years to finally come to terms with.  Enjoy!

"A snake has no idea how much it wants to wiggle until it's put in a bamboo tube."  (A phrase describing watching the brain freak out when you try to tell it to do nothing and sit still.  Basically, proof that it's on it's own agenda.  Try to stop it.  You can't.  Just like you can't stop your heart from beating or your skin from aging.)

Or, just go run an ultramarathon.  100 miles of prancing around in the cold woods for a day straight might give you the same results.